Session……
I am a tall young handsome soldier enjoying green grass, blue sky and blue water with my brown eyes. I love to feel the nature. My name is Xander. Some girl is in my mind. It is a lovely feeling. I am walking towards river side and see a lot of people on river bank. And there she is, looking at me with a beautiful smile in her eyes. Now she is passing by me barely touching me but the pleasant feeling stays forever.
Next I am on a horse going see the king. He along with a couple of people standing across a table is planning something. I stand there. He asked me to join him and sit down. There is some discussion and then I leave from the other side of his tent on a white horse. I am wearing a steel dress with leather belts. I am enjoying riding. I love myself and every other thing. I reach a castle where I live. I kiss my horse goodbye and go inside to take a lavish shower. I am very charming, happy and kind prince.
Now I am in my room with a big window. It has a bed, a mirror, a big chair and closet on two sides. And here she enters and sits on my bed. She talks and talks-----forever----and I love to listen-----just listen----none of us gets bored. She comes to give me food. She is my cook.
Now I am a middle aged man, occupied, feeling trapped. She is still here as a cook. She is not happy. I am getting ready to go somewhere. She places food on the table but does not look at me. I try to stop her but she does not stop. I sit on the chair sad and filled with guilt, feeling trapped and helpless. I did not do right to her.
Now I am in royal cart with a woman. She is beautiful but I do not find her attractive. She is my wife but I do not love her. I am going with her to her house. There is a ceremony. She knows I do not love her but she loves me. She expects from me but I am cold to her.
We reach her house. I tell her that I feel sorry because I do not love her. She stays numb. I am crying for mercy but she stays numb. And then she expresses her hate for me and curses me. She blamed me for what I did to her. We return back after ceremony. Now I hide myself inside a dark cave which is through a dark tunnel. I am filled with guilt. After few days I come back but there is no joy. The guilt is so deep that I lost respect for myself. I asked my men to throw me in the pond and not to bury me. I died in guilt. Lesson learnt; Stand up for self, feel the love and believe in it. Respect comes from respecting yourself.
As a therapist my observation…….. It was a highly emotionally charged session.
